Bring Back Dan Quayle or Something..............

Perhaps we should petition for Dan Quayle to step in…

From the Katie Couric/Sarah Palin interview:

Palin: (Referring to McCain) He's also known as the maverick though, taking shots from his own party, and certainly taking shots from the other party. Trying to get people to understand what he's been talking about - the need to reform government.

Couric: But can you give me any other concrete examples? Because I know you've said Barack Obama is a lot of talk and no action. Can you give me any other examples in his 26 years of John McCain truly taking a stand on this?

Palin: I can give you examples of things that John McCain has done, that has shown his foresight, his pragmatism, and his leadership abilities. And that is what America needs today.

Couric: I'm just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.

Palin: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you.

~~~~~

Couric: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

Sarah Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundary that we have with Canada. It's funny that a comment like that was kinda made to … I don't know, you know … reporters.

Couric: Mocked?

Palin: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.

Couric: Well, explain to me why that enhances your foreign-policy credentials.

Palin: Well, it certainly does, because our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of. And there…

Couric: Have you ever been involved in any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

Palin: We have trade missions back and forth, we do. It's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state.

(Those excerpts were from cbsnew.com: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/24/eveningnews/main4476173.shtml.)

Video segment from the above interview where she explains why she has foreign policy experience… because Russia is so close:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html

Not at all accurate, but very funny version of the interview:

Katie Couric - Thank you for being here, Governor Palin.

Sarah Palin - I'm all about being here.

Katie Couric - Are you and John McCain in favor of this $700 billion bailout?

Sarah Palin - I'm totally in favor of supporting the troops. My son is a troop.

Katie Couric - Right. But I'm asking about the bailout proposal for Wall Street.

Sarah Palin - You sure are. You betcha.

Katie Couric - So are you in favor of it?

Sarah Palin - Reform needs to be in the Wall Street. Not just sittin' on the curb of Wall Street. We need it in the middle of the street. Like a dead squirrel.

Katie Couric - Can we afford to give tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans right now?

Sarah Palin - Well, what do you mean by tax breaks? Like on a car? Those kinds of breaks?

Katie Couric - Less taxes.

Sarah Palin - You know, I'm really into the Bush doctrine. I'm like, supporting it.

Katie Couric - In the event that something were to happen to John McCain, are you ready to step in and be president?

Sarah Palin - I have the steadiness to be steady. I'm getting in there and really doing it. Not just not doing it. I'm not going to be like 'hey, presidency, talk to the hand.'

Katie Couric - But are you ready to become the leader of the free world?

Sarah Palin - Totally. I will totally lead the world. Any world. I will lead Mars or whatever too if those guys need a world president. Or just a Mars president. I took on the ole' boys club in Alaska and I can take it on in Mars.

Katie Couric - But I'm not asking about being president of Mars.

Sarah Palin - But I am answering about being president of Mars because a president person needs to be prepared for anything. I like to reform.

Katie Couric - I understand you only just got a passport last year.

Sarah Palin - You know, I was in Idaho for my friend Amber's wedding a ways back. Lemme tell you, Katie. We American taxpayers have a lot more in common with other countries than we think. There were Budweiser beers cans at that Idaho wedding. And Hot Pockets too. Those pizza flavored ones. Yummy.

Katie Couric - Wait, are you saying that Idaho is another country?

Sarah Palin - I'm saying they have Hot Pockets just like us. Pizza ones even. It's called 'the globalization.'

Katie Couric - But let me get this straight because I think it's important. Is Idaho another country?

Sarah Palin - You know, I'm not going to get into that right now. I think American men and women and men are focused on solutions. Not what's a country or what's not a country. Some places aren't countries. They're just things. And that's ok. Do you know the difference between a country and a thing?

Katie Couric - I'm not sure I do.

Sarah Palin - Hot Pockets.

Katie Couric - And finally, where will you and John McCain take this country?

Sarah Palin - We are going to take it somewhere really nice. A nice place where all American taxpayer people will totally be like 'hey, hello, this is really nice.'" And then we'll take it from that really nice place and over to a nicer place, a super duper nice one. More super duper nice than my cousin Marge even. And the American taxpayer people will be like 'hey, this is a super duper nice place. More than Marge even.'" Reform.

Katie Couric - Thank you, Governor.

David Letterman Slams McCain

David Letterman rants for ten minutes on John McCain after McCain blows off Letterman's show to be on "CBS Evening News" with Katie Couric. Watch it all, it's worth it. Towards the very end you see McCain getting powdered up to go on with Katie. Priceless!!

Signs That Probably Won't Make You Go To Church

umm...okay?

Bruce, You Will Be Missed...

What a wonderful obit, one of the funniest I have ever read.
http://www.legacy.com/DALLASMORNINGNEWS/Obituaries.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonID=117741716

Texas State Fair Opens Friday, September 26!!!!

It's almost here! I actually put in three months ago to have Friday off to attend opening day.
Where else could you find such delicacies as Chicken fried bacon, a fried Moon pie or a Pop rock fundae.

Go here http://www.bigtex.com/foodlocator/ for more tempting treats and information.

If You're Going to Preach Politics...Get Ready to Pay Some Taxes

Churches and other ministries that are exempt from paying federal income tax under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) Code are strictly prohibited from participating in or intervening in—directly, indirectly, or implied—any political campaign on behalf of or in opposition to any candidate or political party for public office.

~I'll be finding out where this church is~

Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Go Here..............

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

Palin/Hilary on SNL

For those of you, like me, who missed the opening of Saturday Night Live....and apparently the best part of SNL that evening...........Here ya go!

Dollar Store Mystery Bags

Normally when I go to a store where everything costs one dollar, the only mystery I’m prepared for is how coarse and unpleasant toilet paper can be. A recent trip to a nearby Dollar Tree offered a more pronounced mystery in the form of so-called grab bags, which were strewn about a rack that taunted, “We know you just love surprises!” Families who shop at the Dollar Tree are known for their love of surprises, such as the surprise that they only have twenty-eight dollars per week to spend on groceries, or the surprise that Christmas is being canceled due to mother's crystal meth addiction. These grab bags merge poor people’s penchant for surprise with their complete lack of taste.

The grab bags were divided into three categories: blue (“a surprise for a boy”), pink (“a surprise for a girl”), and green (I have no idea in hell what kind of bag this is). I decided to compose a comparative analysis of these grab bags by purchasing one of each type and sharing my findings, even though I knew full well that opening three mystery bags in succession might give me a heart attack, or that the contents of my new bags could compel me to commit suicide. But at a total cost of $3, I really couldn’t complain about the fine value.

A Surprise for a Boy

CONTENTS:1 Green slinky 4 Decks of cards

It is an exciting day to be a boy. It is true that everyone loves a slinky, but only a boy can appreciate the nuance of using the slinky as a kind of tube prison for his G.I. Joes, or whipping the slinky around at his friend. My earth science teacher in middle school used a slinky to demonstrate the P-waves and S-waves of an earthquake; no thanks, Mr. Strempek—I demonstrated how to drop an F-bomb and got the hell out of that class. Slinkys aren't for learning, they're for slinking. This particular slinky, unfortunately, is particularly shoddy. My G.I. Joes escaped after about a minute.When you’re finished with your slinky, it is time to play with your four decks of cards. I don’t know any card game that requires four separate decks—or for that matter any card game in which gambling or alcohol isn’t prominently involved. Now is a good time for a boy to learn about these activities as he struggles with the fact that his mom allowed the employees of the Dollar Tree to select his birthday gifts this year.

A Surprise For a Girl

CONTENTS: 3 Empty pink bottles

1 Empty pink container

1 Pink loofah

1 Mirror

2 Packages of facial tissue

Instead of printing that pink “grab bag” motif across this bag, perhaps they should have just called it a “garbage bag” and saved me the trouble of opening it up. Included are a bunch of empty plastic containers, some tissues, and a loofah, which is girl for “spongy body wash applicator.” Yes, fellows, you can fling the loofah at a group of G.I. Joes and pretend that it’s some sort of missile, but after some preliminary research I’ve concluded that this provides no more than a scant few hours of entertainment. The only other application for you males would be to hang it up in your shower and pretend that you have a girlfriend.If you’ve purchased the pink grab bag, though, you’re probably a girl, in which case you could always use another loofah. Maybe a new loofah is what you need to actually become pretty. The empty plastic containers I’m not so sure about. You could put shampoo in them, I suppose, but why are you buying shampoo that doesn’t already come in its own bottle? Maybe the plastic bottles are to teach girls how to recycle, since that’s the only humane thing to do with their new grab bag toys. The mirror is useful for reflecting that priceless look of disappointment as girls open up their bag.I hope you girls enjoy blowing your nose while imagining what it would be like to own hotel shampoo—I’ve got to go play four simultaneous games of High Low Ohama Poker with my new good luck charm, Mr. Green Slinky.

The Green Bag

CONTENTS:

1 Pair of underwear

4 Decks of playing cards

This grab bag is such a badass mystery, it doesn’t even clue you in as to which gender it’s for. That’s probably why the grab bag rack was about 90% green bags—nobody knows who's supposed to buy them. I think they made the bag green so that stoners are tricked into thinking there might be some marijuana in one of them. They'd be disappointed—as would anybody hoping to find anything the least bit practical.

Now is a good time to mention that four plus four equals eight, which means that this article has caused me to own no fewer than eight decks of cards. If you assembled these decks together to play a game of war, it would actually take longer to complete than the war in Iraq. I challenge anybody reading this to the most epic game of war of all time, the winner getting the blue underwear. In the meantime I’m going to try to get a bank to give me a loan so that I can use the playing cards to open up The Green Slinky Casino.
The underwear is baffling. You would think that the gender-neutral bag would be the least eligible place to include underwear, since you kind of have to know what gender you are before you buy something to wear around your junk. But I have to admit: this underwear design doesn’t seem to exclude either boys or girls. It’s cut sort of like a pair of men’s briefs, but it has the luxurious sheen and delicate softness of a pair of panties. The only thing I can say for sure about this underwear is that it fits me wonderfully, and you really can't put a price on that. Oh wait, yes you can: one dollar.

It is time to put on my new underwear and roll around in all my terrific prizes.

My Dog's Ass Looks Like McCain

The search is on for the dogs that look the most like Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain. The "My Dog Looks Like Obama or McCain" Photo Contest, sponsored by Rover 411, a unique article-based website for dogs and their owners, is accepting submissions until Monday, Sept. 15, 2008.
Photos of dogs can be submitted via www.Rover411.com/photosubmission.htm . From Sept. 22 through Oct. 22, Rover 411 members can vote for their favorite photo. Membership is free and available to the general public with a valid email address. Winners will be announced at Rover 411 Grand Opening Event to be held 10:00 am, October 25, 2008 at Best Friends Pet Care, 33711 Harper Avenue, Clinton Township, MI 48035 and on the website. More information is available at www.Rover411.com

Republicans Playing the Same Old Game.....

Obama called out the McCain campaign for trying to make up a controversy to keep the media distracted from the issues. Most of the articles have used quotes from these remarks, but here is the full text of what he had to say.

“Before we begin today I want to say a few words about the latest made up controversy by the John McCain campaign. What their campaign has done this morning is the same game that has made people sick and tired of politics in this country. They seize on an innocent remark, try to take it out of context, throw up an outrageous ad because they know it’s catnip for the news media.”
“I’m assuming you guys heard this watching the news. I am talking about John McCain’s economic policies, I’m talking about John McCain’s economic policies, and I said it’s more of the same. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig, and suddenly they oh, you must be talking about the governor of Alaska. See it would be funny except of course the news media decided it was the lead story yesterday. They would much rather, this is the McCain campaign, have the story about phony and foolish diversions then about the future.”
“This happens every election cycle. Every four years this is what we do. We’ve got an energy crisis. We have an education system that is not working for too many of our children and making us less competitive. We have an economy that is creating hardship for families all across America. We’ve got two wars going on. Veterans coming home not being cared for, and this is what they want to talk about. This is what they want to spend 2 out of the last 55 days talking about.”
“You know who ends up losing at the end of the day? It’s not the Democratic candidate, it’s not the Republican candidate. It’s you, the American people. Because then we go another year, or another four years, or another eight years without addressing the issues that matter to you. Enough! I don’t care what they say about me, but I love this country too much to let them take over another election with lies and phony outrage and Swift Boat politics. Enough is enough.”

Palin family names explained......

*Track, 19, named after the lake where his father fishes.
*Bristol, 17, named after Bristol Bay – where her mother wants to create a huge mine.
*Willow, 14, inspired by willow ptarmigan, Alaska's state bird.
*Piper, 7, bears the same name as the family plane.
*Trig, 4 months – Trig is Norse for "brave victory".


And now we know.

As you might have noticed, I did not comment on either national convention.
I probably will... eventually. I am still quite bitter about Hilary not getting the
nomination

NSF This!

A local restaurant in Grand Saline, Texas has found a very inovative means of dealing with deadbeats who write “hot checks”.

Don’s Dairy Bar, also in Grand Saline, has posted a list of NSF offenders on their drive thru window for as long as I have been going there. It is always entertaining to read while you are waiting for your order.

Republicans & Guns are Sexy....................NOT